It's A Hot Dog Damn It
(Image from
Lucky's. It may seem odd that I have to use a Texas restaurant to show you a great picture of a "Chicago Style" Hot Dog but it really is the best image I could
steal find. Besides which it is a tribute to the authenticity and level of quality of that wonderful Texas-based establishment that they got it
perfectly right, and therefore obviously serve the best hot dog in Texas!)
(You may click the image to study more closely) I would like you to note the absent ketchup. I would also like to point out to you that if you
like ketchup on a hot dog you are probably a communist. Or at least a traitor to America. Outside of that it
could be that you are merely immature, and your taste buds haven't grown up yet. It is alright to have ketchup on a hot dog if you are maybe 3 years old, or perhaps 6 or 9, tops. 12 years old if you are a spoiled brat or a Momma's Boy. But at some point in your life mustard will have to supplant the infantile and/or treacherous (we'll be the judge of that) belief that you
have to have ketchup on a hot dog.
There are other styles of hot dogs. I won't link to them because of their obvious inferior design and execution, and I only want my audience to have the best. But there's the dull-witted Nathan's Coney Island Dog from New York. A bun, a hot dog, and sauerkraut. That's it. Fit for a weakling and just vapid in its execution. Bleh. Down south they put cole slaw on a "wiener." Well - if you call it a "wiener" you obviously need some serious help here. Cole slaw goes with, like, fried chicken - but on a hot dog...? Nah.
The correct way to make a Chicago-style hotdog is as pictured. If you can't get a Vienna-Beef hot dog making sure the hot dog is at least kosher is important. You want a beef hot dog. A boiled or steamed hot dog is the real thing - a grilled hot dog is "ok" but then it becomes a
"Chardog" - this is a very important distinction! The bun must be steamed and encrusted with poppy seeds. It must have enough poppy seeds for you to fail a drug test or insanely kill you if you suffer from diverticulitis. Yellow mustard (Brown mustard is not considered a high crime, and some do respect the increased heat others are willing to endure, but it does stretch the authenticity a little) is aided by bright green relish.
THIS IS WHERE YOU DO NOT ADD THE KETCHUP.
Tomato wedges (the ultimate here is where the tomatoes are home-grown and not store bought. There is a strong undercurrent of belief that one should reserve tomatoes from the garden for this part of the deal. In any case, they would represent the ultimate) are matched with sport peppers, diced onions, and a kosher dill pickle.
It should be noted that the purist will demand the dill pickle be left in the bun - but a sub-culture of "pull the pickle out and eat it as an attending side dish" is not a high crime either. Weird - but not a high crime. I myself will do as well, depending on the mood. Then there is the dash of celery salt. Sorry - not authentic without it.
And finally, though I touched on it briefly above, you must know what you are eating. It is not a wiener. It is not a sausage. It is not a
weenie either damn it. It's a hot dog. And this is the only way it should be legal to eat one. It is certainly the only true American way to do it, anyway.
A public service announcement in anticipation of the coming of the Glorious 4thMORE INFOLabels: my usual whining, restaurant reviews, self-improvement
>24 comments:
At 6:52 PM,
Gino said...
i've had them this way.
it's ok.
i still prefer chili-cheese dogs.
or grilled dogs with ketchup and mayo.
At 7:30 PM,
Brian said...
In Tucson, we have hot dogs estillo Sonoroa.
Description and photo aqui.
It's worth tolerating the illegals just to have this in my neighborhood.
(I'm only partly kidding.)
At 7:51 PM,
Brandon said...
When I go and get a hot dog, or sausage or whatever from a restaurant or stand, I like to do it up right with all the accoutrements sans ketchup.
But when I make a Ballpark frank at home really quick, I throw some ketchup on there. I'll admit it.
At 8:44 PM,
Gino said...
brian, that dog looks brutal.
i'll have to try one.
At 10:14 PM,
Jolie said...
I rarely eat them and I only eat them one way: grilled or cooked over an open flame, or even for 1 minute in the microwave (never boiled *gag*), no bun, no way, no how, no bun...just the "weiner" (I am from Louisiana, y'know!) and some mustard and ketchup on the side for dipping. That is all!
At 10:35 PM,
RW said...
I obviously have a lot of work to do...
At 10:36 PM,
Dave2 said...
A few years ago I found a Chicago vendor selling veggie dogs Chicago-style. It was almost impossible to eat. I ultimately had to pull stuff off (namely the pickle) so that I could take a bite without causing an explosion.
Mustard is for hot dogs, ketchup is for hamburgers. When they reverse, it bothers me greatly.
At 10:49 PM,
RW said...
Great - I have to wait for the vegetarian to back me up. I owe you one Dave!
At 11:09 PM,
kapgar said...
No. God. Damned. Way.
I'm sorry, but I cannot stand most of the shit that is heaped on these monstrosities. I just don't understand how people can say that ketchup ruins the taste of hot dogs; yet, with all that crap on it, how can you say that you are able to taste your "hot dog"? Too many conflicting tastes for it to be enjoyable.
Granted I have not eaten one before, but that could be because I can't stand most onions, mustard, pickles, relish outside of egg salad sandwiches, etc.
Hack. No.
Sorry.
At 4:53 AM,
RW said...
Well kapgar, that coming from someone who likes to eat clear xylophoric pods in a g-ray backlit dish of non-engramatic culture while held between his thumb and forefinger I am little impressed.
I dismiss your reality and replace it with my own!
Pleh.
At 11:18 AM,
said...
I note that none of the complainers seems to have actually eaten the real thing. If they had, they'd be singing its praises.
Accept no substitutes.
At 1:25 PM,
Jolie said...
ok, if you are going to put tomaters on it, then you'd just as soon put the ketchup...I'm just saying ;p
At 2:48 PM,
bobgirrl said...
I think you've found your marketing ploy, RW. All weenie blogging!
At 7:39 PM,
RW said...
foodstein - Wait! Come back!!
jolie - Do the tomatoes you grow in Louisiana have vinegar in them???
bobgirrl - Did someone $%#@ing say weenie?? But really - a blog where people argue about food would be a traffic sensation! Hmmm...
At 8:58 AM,
Jolie said...
No darlin...no vinegar...um, have you considered blood pressure meds? Just asking...
weenie, weenie, weenie :D
At 12:07 PM,
sligo said...
a week of posts, and the number of comments on a hot dog come in second only to a post about the image of god's mom on a piece of toasted bread.
damn, now THIS is a blog.
At 12:24 PM,
Gino said...
its a food thing, i think.
we all do food, so we are all experts about it.
keep up the food topics RW, and the hits will rise.
At 9:14 PM,
Joe said...
I just have to ask: What the hell are "sport peppers"? Are these high-performance peppers with a V-8 and racing stripes painted on the sides? Or are these, like, the really butch peppers who put smaller peppers' heads in the toilet?
Gotta say, the pictured dog looks good to me, other than the pickle. Pickles are dead and embalmed cucumbers. People who enjoy pickles are necromands.
At 9:24 PM,
RW said...
Necromands - as opposed to people who eat dead cows and such I suppose? I see. Joe is probably a Nathan's man, being near Brooklyn as he is. That would explain a lot...
Here's some sport peppers.
At 11:04 PM,
Mrs RW said...
Of course, a Portillo's hot dog also has two slices of cucumber. All your food groups together here: protein, veggies, grains (I think this is the poppy seeds)and if you threw some cheese on you'd probably have an accurate food pyramid (if anyone can figure out how to use them).
and...what is the point of a veggie hot dog underneath all the real veggies?
At 11:47 AM,
Incurable Insomniac said...
Well, hot dogs aren't really American at all. They come from our German immigrant ancestors. On any city street in Germany or Austria you will find Wurst stands, where they serve a sausage of your choice in a coarse roll, usually topped with kraut or cheese, and always mustard. The only side you are offered with these is beer. Nothing better!
The word weener comes from Wiener, which means Viennese (the city's actual name is Wien--and for those who don't know, the German W is pronounced like a V). Therefore, Wienerwurst=Viennese Sausage. Oscar Meyer (a German immigrant) later shortened it to wiener, then weener, and dropped the V sound.
If you want to go for getting an odd look from the man selling you a wurst, just ask him for a Heißer Hund (Heisser Hund=hot dog, literally, a dog that's been in the sun too long. LOL!).
Class over. I need more coffee.
At 5:57 PM,
RW said...
Right - Vienna Hot Dog. Made in Chicago. But where's the poppy seed bun and the onions and neon green relish??
I don't know - everything came from somewhere else. Chances are pretty good it was invented by the Chinese no doubt.
At 8:13 PM,
Tracy Lynn said...
Dude, I am sorry (not really) but the correct way to eat a hot dog is to steam a Nathan's Beef Frank, put it in a New England style roll, adding mayo and Flo's relish, or, if you must, mustard and Flo's relish, from Flo's Dogs in York, Maine. They sell it on Ebay now, so you folks from Away have no excuse.
That monstrosity that you people eat in Chicago...well, discretion is going to have to be the better part of valor, because, frankly, words fail me. It kinda scares me.
At 8:16 AM,
RW said...
The lady from Maine said mayo on a hot dog.
I rest my case.
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